Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
