I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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