just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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