if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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