come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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