so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
