I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
