Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
