what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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