Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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