As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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