I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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