A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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