hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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