this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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