Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
