.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
