my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
