When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
