i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
