An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
