Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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