I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
