I think I died a long time ago.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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