Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
