shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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