another moral hangover. fuck.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
