At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
