This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
