never play flip cup with pint glasses
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She's the barista slut.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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