Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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