Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
