She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm just crazy horny about you
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
