i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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