Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
there is glitter all over my balls
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
