About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
