When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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