Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
