i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
