his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
