Is it because I queefed?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
