the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
