I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
