i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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