Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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