I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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