the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
