There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
