so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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