Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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