shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
