i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
