Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
