that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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