I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
